Any Good Butts Today?

I feel like putting this question to my neighbor every time I see him out, but I just can’t manage to be that large of an asshole when the moment comes. I live next door to a group home type of operation this cat named Keith runs, and he gets paid to house 3-4 individuals through a government program.

I see this one shell shocked lost soul wandering out from behind the gate where they sit on chairs and smoke cigarettes all day. Opportunistic folks scan the horizon for possibilities while this guy searches the sidewalk and gutters for cigarette butts.

If I thought he was at all capable of communicating I might ask him about his take for the day. I will have to just imagine the conversation since it is likely to never happen.

“Oh yes, big haul today. I found a Marlboro light with a full inch on it and a lipstick stain. I found a generic full flavor with 2, maybe 3 good puffs on it and some spittle on the tip. The big money was cleaning out the ashtray at Kaiser hospital across the street, however. There I found a barely smoked Salem with a filter soaked in tubercular sputum. Top notch after dinner mint.“

As much fun as it is to make fun of others for suffering under the weight of a crushing addiction, I somehow manage to restrain myself. I feel a little bit bad for him actually, but that is usually in response to the urge to make some smartass remark.